Elder Rant - A - Thon

OK, before I get started, here are the characters:

Sharptongue ~ RPed by Icenose(on WCW) An elder.
Hollyfang ~ RPed by me, and elder.
Darkheart ~ RPed by Sora(on WCW) An elder.
Brookstar ~ RPed by Sora(on WCW) Leader of NoonClan
Foggyfur ~ RPed by Moonlight(on WCW) An elder, she-cat.
Dragonpaw and Shadepaw ~ RPed by me, both toms and apprentices.

Lets start XD

*Elders are fetching their own water as the apprentices are 'too busy'*

Sharptongue: "Useless apprentices... Useless! Have to do everything myself...I could be old enough to be their father, for starcan's sake! Wouldn't even want them as kits, the useles slug-luggers... Parents were as dumb as dew...!" *gets water*

Hollyfang: "The no good mud hearted rat faced badger eyed apprentices don't respect us!"

Sharptongue: "And have you seen their pelts these days?! THere's a beatle brained tom with scaley fur in one clan! 'Barely see past his head... Kits these days! Don't know how to groom their pelts... Lizard-toungued, too. All that comes from their cursed mouths is 'Ooh, I wanna rip clan kits apart because it's cool to fight' and 'blah blah toms, blah blah she-cat'! Argh! Newt-toed honey guzzlers!"

Hollyfang: "And did you ever see two mates? It's like watching two lovebirds coo at each other! My oh my, the leaders, deputies and medicine cats are just SNORING their lives away while spike hearted warriors fight each other! And for the kits, they think fighting is FUN!"

Sharptongue: "Leaders! Don't get me started... They do nothing but sleep in their nests! Deputies are bossy and don't announce patrols, like the mouse brained rank isn't good enough for noble warriors anymore! This generation is a plague to the warrior code! Fox drops, if I was dead I'd flood the forest to cleanse their brains! Medicine cats have forgotten how to fight and go off having as many kits as they please! Back in the day, medicine cats knew how to fight! Nowadays they do nothing and are as fragile as a kit's fur! And the toms... They say a simple 'I like you' and they have 8 kits already! Not that I'm insulting myself, it took time for me to fall in love."

Hollyfang: "Toms, oh StarClan! All they do is blush at she-cats and secretly go around making fifteen mates, with hundreds of kits! Why, now, every cat has a forbidden mate! All of them! There is so many, they probably are even considered forbidden! In the old days, we only mated with our clan, and had one or two litters, and that was that! Can you even imagine the she-cat leaders having kits? Well, that's all they do nowadays! Every cat is obsessed with having kits and twenty mates! Those mud brains don't think about the warrior code or their clan anymore! It's all them , them them! Why, us elders, are better then them! We could protect the clans BETTER then those cuckoos!"

Sharptongue: "My claws are sharper from clawing off moss off of trees than those warriors' when they sharped them on the ground! They just mope around when they have nothing to do and barely even pay attention to us. They just go off making kits! Its kits, kits galore! I wonder when we'll start giving those furballs away, they'll fill the clan with pansies, as if there aren't already enough! Warriors don't even fight, and the ones that do patrol around are the ones that have 60 kits in three different clans with 5 different she-cats! Oy, 'm going to get greencough ranting 'bout them..."

*Brookstar appears*

Brookstar: "ENOUGH! All you do is rant, rant, rant!"

Hollyfang: "Says the leader who snored like a bear for ten moons..."

Sharptongue: "And that was just greenleaf!"

Hollyfang: "Just! Why, I ought to become a warrior again just so we can eat, since it looks like we have to feed a hundred kits... and while we're at it, we might as well make twenty more clans just so then every rat brained warrior can have all the forbidden mates they want! Why, if this goes on, we'll still run out of clans for forbidden mates! Mouse dung, we'll run out of room in the WORLD for all those kits! Then we'd have to get all the medicine cats and she-cat leaders to also have kits to fill in the empty un-kit spots! We could probably make a CLAN of kits, seeing we have so many! We might as well make them warriors at the age of three moons, so then we can have enough prey! Why, I'm going to turn my throat into a desert if I keep telling everyone our problems! Yes, we have so much! And also, on the topic of kits, we are going to have to go into twolegplaces to search for things to name our kits by! Imagine that! And we'll just begin choosing random names, like Wallkit, Thingkit, Icantcomeupwithanamekit, Bobberkit, Monsterkit... Just too many problems!"

Sharptongue: "Legkit, Cankit, Kittykit, Petkit, Collarkit, Bellkit, Slopkit, Droppingkit, Kittyfoodkit, Binkit, Redstonekit, Sewerkit..." Sharptoungue continued the list until he had named everything he'd known about twolegplace. "You see?! You see how it'll be with 60 clans full of kits! Starclan forbid, 60 clans with one of that patrolling tom's kits in each, even! The scat-hearted snake-tailed yellowbelly! Our kits now could fill a forest if we just had a few more! We'd have clans full of our offspring with no elders to teach them properly as they're eaten one-by-one by badgers and falcons and foxes, oh my! Good starclan, Brookstar, back to your snoring! You'd think your mother was a badger! Your father wasn't peachy, either, mind you, his nose was as loud as a Tree Cutter monster! His breath wasn't very good either. It smelled like kittypet dirt- But back to important things. I've seen toms and she-cats sneaking out into the woods on the same night for moons! Oh, everything's just fine and dandy, just go make some more kits, will you? It's not like we have enough rat-brained apprentices to fill a starclan-forsaken mountain full of snake-jawed trout-bellied catmint-guzzling FOOLS! " Sharptoungue ranted, raising his voice. "Whew... 'm parched..." *drinks some water* "So, how's it going, Brookstar?"

Hollyfang: "Hmm... Y'know what, Sharptongue? Those rat brained fool mates would probably think of nonsense names for kits, seeing they have so many. 'Hmm, darling? What shall it be? Ickabookit?' 'Yeah, and Sititkit, Fajajakkit...' We will have so many clans and cats, we will have to start making up more nonsense names. 'Hey, Yahoostar, how's the prey running?' 'Very well, Pikakidfoot. Can you check up on my mate, Guggaflight?' 'No problem, I wanted to go see Googlekit, Infinitykit and Yellakit anyways!' That's what they will be saying, by my whiskers! Great StarClan, we'll be making up warrior name suffixes! 'You will be Orangeaboo! And you will be Snowticka!' That's what those flea brained leaders will be sayin', because they won't have elders with common sense like us! Why, since every cat is breaking the warrior code, we might as well start making kits leaders and deputies, eating prey until we can't move, trespass on every single territory, neglect kits, have gatherings every night, go sleep with twolegs every other day, and try to make friends with a dog! I mean, where in the world did these warriors get such messed up thoughts? Hmm. Maybe we have to start making pretty she-cats in our own clan, so some dung brained fellow won't go and get some a 'so-called forbidden' mate! Fox dung, warriors might as well become mates with twolegs and rocks! Why bother having a code? It's not like any cat is going to be killed - they are all busy having millions of mates and trillions of kits!" *pauses to lap up some water* "You were saying, Brookstar?"

Brookstar: *jaw agape*

Darkheart: "Don't even get me STARTED on insults, Hollyfang. The white furred, black fanged, stone hearted, rock eared, badger eyed, thorn nosed, leaf faced, dark tailed, twoleg footed, fluff clawed, cloud whiskered fools who break the warrior code are considered WARRIORS, which I find absurd!"

Sharptongue: "Shut your mouth, Brookstar. It's rude."

Hollyfang: "A fly could fly into your mouth... and one of the trillions of kits could use it, seeing that we'd probably run out of prey! Mouse dung, I wonder what would happen during leaf bare! Why, we should start eating rocks and sticks so we won't starve! Then apprentices will have to learn how to gather sticks and rocks for us to eat, instead of hunting! And then we'd have to eat snow... and pretty soon, we'll be eating our dens! Great StarClan, we'd be eating everything, including dirt and dung! Ew! Now, that is why we don't want forbidden mates, and more then one mate! I don't know why a cat would like to mate with more then one cat at a time! Especially if the cats are in different clans! Talk about split personalities! Did these tick brained cats not have any elders while they were growing up? I swear by StarClan, I had more sense when I was a kit then all these warriors! That's very sad! You know what? I think we will be needing a whole planet for all the kits we are having! And a whole other planet for food! Actually, probably twenty! I don't even know if there is enough letters in the alphabet to put together to name all those cats! And then we will have even more cats... and we will be the only animals alive, thanks to these addle brained cats who have millions of mates! THANKS! Why, use elders would have to have a whole planet to our selves just so then we'd have a LITTLE bit less problems about the world... you cats think this is all fun and games, being a warrior, don't you? Well, listen up, little misters and missies! It ain't, and it won't ever be, because you have to patrol, protect your clan, fight, hunt, UNLESS YOU ARE TOO BUSY HAVING KITS AND GETTING HUNDREDS OF MATES TO DO THAT STUFF! And of course, unless you are ignoring us now! Why even bother having clans, if we are having forbidden mates and stuff? For those forbidden mates, listen up too! Why don't you just go and make your own clans, since you love each other more then anything else? Why don't you just stand in front of each other for the rest of your lives, just staring at each other? We could use some room, thank you very much, so please don't have any more kits! It's bad enough they cause trouble for us elders, and we don't need a thousand of then pulling our tails and making a racket even twolegs could hear on the other side of the planet! Why, I'm going to lose my voice complaining about these issues, since all the cats are creating them!"

Sharptongue: *silent with respect, then says* "Good one..."

Hollyfang: *grins* "Why, thank you!"

*Elders are fetching their own water as the apprentices are 'too busy'*

Sharptongue: "Useless apprentices... Useless! Have to do everything myself...I could be old enough to be their father, for StarClan's sake! Wouldn't even want them as kits, the useless slug-luggers... Parents were as dumb as dew...!" *gets water*

Hollyfang: "The no good mud hearted rat faced badger eyed apprentices don't respect us!"

Sharptongue: "And have you seen their pelts these days?! THere's a beatle brained tom with scaley fur in one clan! 'Barely see past his head... Kits these days! Don't know how to groom their pelts... Lizard-toungued, too. All that comes from their cursed mouths is 'Ooh, I wanna rip clan kits apart because it's cool to fight' and 'blah blah toms, blah blah she-cat'! Argh! Newt-toed honey guzzlers!"

Hollyfang: "And did you ever see two mates? It's like watching two lovebirds coo at each other! My oh my, the leaders, deputies and medicine cats are just SNORING their lives away while spike hearted warriors fight each other! And for the kits, they think fighting is FUN!"

Sharptongue: "Leaders! Don't get me started... They do nothing but sleep in their nests! Deputies are bossy and don't announce patrols, like the mouse brained rank isn't good enough for noble warriors anymore! This generation is a plague to the warrior code! Fox drops, if I was dead I'd flood the forest to cleanse their brains! Medicine cats have forgotten how to fight and go off having as many kits as they please! Back in the day, medicine cats knew how to fight! Nowadays they do nothing and are as fragile as a kit's fur! And the toms... They say a simple 'I like you' and they have 8 kits already! Not that I'm insulting myself, it took time for me to fall in love."

Hollyfang: "Toms, oh StarClan! All they do is blush at she-cats and secretly go around making fifteen mates, with hundreds of kits! Why, now, every cat has a forbidden mate! All of them! There is so many, they probably aren't even considered forbidden! In the old days, we only mated with our clan, and had one or two litters, and that was that! Can you even imagine the she-cat leaders having kits? Well, that's all they do nowadays! Every cat is obsessed with having kits and twenty mates! Those mud brains don't think about the warrior code or their clan anymore! It's all them , them them! Why, us elders, are better then them! We could protect the clans BETTER then those cuckoos!"

Sharptongue: "My claws are sharper from clawing off moss off of trees than those warriors' when they sharped them on the ground! They just mope around when they have nothing to do and barely even pay attention to us. They just go off making kits! Its kits, kits galore! I wonder when we'll start giving those furballs away, they'll fill the clan with pansies, as if there aren't already enough! Warriors don't even fight, and the ones that do patrol around are the ones that have 60 kits in three different clans with 5 different she-cats! Oy, 'm going to get greencough ranting 'bout them..."

*Brookstar appears*

Brookstar: "ENOUGH! All you do is rant, rant, rant!"

Hollyfang: "Says the leader who snored like a bear for ten moons..."

Sharptongue: "And that was just greenleaf!"

Hollyfang: "Just! Why, I ought to become a warrior again just so we can eat, since it looks like we have to feed a hundred kits... and while we're at it, we might as well make twenty more clans just so then every rat brained warrior can have all the forbidden mates they want! Why, if this goes on, we'll still run out of clans for forbidden mates! Mouse dung, we'll run out of room in the WORLD for all those kits! Then we'd have to get all the medicine cats and she-cat leaders to also have kits to fill in the empty un-kit spots! We could probably make a CLAN of kits, seeing we have so many! We might as well make them warriors at the age of three moons, so then we can have enough prey! Why, I'm going to turn my throat into a desert if I keep telling everyone our problems! Yes, we have so much! And also, on the topic of kits, we are going to have to go into twolegplaces to search for things to name our kits by! Imagine that! And we'll just begin choosing random names, like Wallkit, Thingkit, Icantcomeupwithanamekit, Bobberkit, Monsterkit... Just too many problems!"

Sharptongue: "Legkit, Cankit, Kittykit, Petkit, Collarkit, Bellkit, Slopkit, Droppingkit, Kittyfoodkit, Binkit, Redstonekit, Sewerkit..." Sharptoungue continued the list until he had named everything he'd known about twolegplace. "You see?! You see how it'll be with 60 clans full of kits! Starclan forbid, 60 clans with one of that patrolling tom's kits in each, even! The scat-hearted snake-tailed yellowbelly! Our kits now could fill a forest if we just had a few more! We'd have clans full of our offspring with no elders to teach them properly as they're eaten one-by-one by badgers and falcons and foxes, oh my! Good starclan, Brookstar, back to your snoring! You'd think your mother was a badger! Your father wasn't peachy, either, mind you, his nose was as loud as a Tree Cutter monster! His breath wasn't very good either. It smelled like kittypet dirt- But back to important things. I've seen toms and she-cats sneaking out into the woods on the same night for moons! Oh, everything's just fine and dandy, just go make some more kits, will you? It's not like we have enough rat-brained apprentices to fill a starclan-forsaken mountain full of snake-jawed trout-bellied catmint-guzzling FOOLS! " Sharptoungue ranted, raising his voice. "Whew... 'm parched..." *drinks some water* "So, how's it going, Brookstar?"

Hollyfang: "Hmm... Y'know what, Sharptongue? Those rat brained fool mates would probably think of nonsense names for kits, seeing they have so many. 'Hmm, darling? What shall it be? Ickabookit?' 'Yeah, and Sititkit, Fajajakkit...' We will have so many clans and cats, we will have to start making up more nonsense names. 'Hey, Yahoostar, how's the prey running?' 'Very well, Pikakidfoot. Can you check up on my mate, Guggaflight?' 'No problem, I wanted to go see Googlekit, Infinitykit and Yellakit anyways!' That's what they will be saying, by my whiskers! Great StarClan, we'll be making up warrior name suffixes! 'You will be Orangeaboo! And you will be Snowticka!' That's what those flea brained leaders will be sayin', because they won't have elders with common sense like us! Why, since every cat is breaking the warrior code, we might as well start making kits leaders and deputies, eating prey until we can't move, trespass on every single territory, neglect kits, have gatherings every night, go sleep with twolegs every other day, and try to make friends with a dog! I mean, where in the world did these warriors get such messed up thoughts? Hmm. Maybe we have to start making pretty she-cats in our own clan, so some dung brained fellow won't go and get some a 'so-called forbidden' mate! Fox dung, warriors might as well become mates with twolegs and rocks! Why bother having a code? It's not like any cat is going to be killed - they are all busy having millions of mates and trillions of kits!" *pauses to lap up some water* "You were saying, Brookstar?"

Brookstar: *jaw agape*

Darkheart: "Don't even get me STARTED on insults, Hollyfang. The white furred, black fanged, stone hearted, rock eared, badger eyed, thorn nosed, leaf faced, dark tailed, twoleg footed, fluff clawed, cloud whiskered fools who break the warrior code are considered WARRIORS, which I find absurd!"

Sharptongue: "Shut your mouth, Brookstar. It's rude."

Hollyfang: "A fly could fly into your mouth... and one of the trillions of kits could use it, seeing that we'd probably run out of prey! Mouse dung, I wonder what would happen during leaf bare! Why, we should start eating rocks and sticks so we won't starve! Then apprentices will have to learn how to gather sticks and rocks for us to eat, instead of hunting! And then we'd have to eat snow... and pretty soon, we'll be eating our dens! Great StarClan, we'd be eating everything, including dirt and dung! Ew! Now, that is why we don't want forbidden mates, and more then one mate! I don't know why a cat would like to mate with more then one cat at a time! Especially if the cats are in different clans! Talk about split personalities! Did these tick brained cats not have any elders while they were growing up? I swear by StarClan, I had more sense when I was a kit then all these warriors! That's very sad! You know what? I think we will be needing a whole planet for all the kits we are having! And a whole other planet for food! Actually, probably twenty! I don't even know if there is enough letters in the alphabet to put together to name all those cats! And then we will have even more cats... and we will be the only animals alive, thanks to these addle brained cats who have millions of mates! THANKS! Why, us elders would have to have a whole planet to our selves just so then we'd have a LITTLE bit less problems about the world... you cats think this is all fun and games, being a warrior, don't you? Well, listen up, little misters and missies! It ain't, and it won't ever be, because you have to patrol, protect your clan, fight, hunt, UNLESS YOU ARE TOO BUSY HAVING KITS AND GETTING HUNDREDS OF MATES TO DO THAT STUFF! And of course, unless you are ignoring us now! Why even bother having clans, if we are having forbidden mates and stuff? For those forbidden mates, listen up too! Why don't you just go and make your own clans, since you love each other more then anything else? Why don't you just stand in front of each other for the rest of your lives, just staring at each other? We could use some room, thank you very much, so please don't have any more kits! It's bad enough they cause trouble for us elders, and we don't need a thousand of then pulling our tails and making a racket even twolegs could hear on the other side of the planet! Why, I'm going to lose my voice complaining about these issues, since all the cats are creating them!"

Sharptongue: *silent with respect, then says* "Good one..."

Hollyfang: *grins* "Why, thank you!"

-Amazed, Brookstar leaves-

-Foggyfur appears-

Foggyfur: *walks into the elders den and looks around. "So we are talkin bout how bad those warriors are?" She meowed, "Well I bet that those warriors are so dumb that they are probably scared of Meece! Why when I was youn un warriors were brave! Now they use there million of ker bilzons of kits az an excuse! That's probably why we have some many kits to beguin with! So that their cowardly parents have an excuse to not do warrior duties becuse they are a bunch of scardy catz! We might as well call them Cowardly Kit Makers insted of warriors!"

Sharptongue: *sighs* "Like I said; Dumb as dew!"

Foggyfur: "At least when Oi was a warrior we were not fraid of a lil ol meesez or birdehs or bunzies! Now the warriorz faint when they zee one lil' ol meesez running roud their stinky muck nezt! Themz warriors never cleanz zout their neztz atz all! No wounderz why theyz has meesez in themz neztz. Oi uz an elder and Oi can clean a nezt most betterz than themz!" she rolled her eyes. "They haz roches and tikz running round in theirz neztz, and thenz they name their kitz after what they found in their nezt tha mourning! Likez Gunkkit, Filthkit, Fleakit, Stinkkit, Rottenmosskit...." *goes on ranting about possible kit names based on every fithy thing that can be found in a nest*

Hollyfang: "Aye, y'got that right!" *nods* "Dragonpaw, Shadepaw, can you fetch us some feathers? I want to be comfy."

-Shadepaw and Dragonpaw runs to get some-

Hollyfang: "Now, the name 'Cowardly Kit Makers' is pretty good, but it's quite a mouthful... why not CKM? Or perhaps simply KM, or 'Kit Makers'. Why, if we, cats, can record, then we'd have a whole PLANET full of names we have to keep track off, because it'd be filled with all the names of cats! My oh my, I can't imagine all that dirt under my claws... Anyways, back on topic. We'd need to keep changing all of them because they'd get warrior names... If they don't get killed before then. Which I doubt because there would probably only us because we would take up the place, with all the kits these mates have! Seriously, we'd make up ranks for cats who change the cats' names! We could have a clan of them! RecordClan: The Ever Recording Clan. But they'd have to have a clan to feed them, too. Maybe two clans. And StarClan forbid RecordClan having too many kits... then we might be needing two planets for the kits. Planet Kit 1. Planet Kit 2... I can go on forever! Let this be a huge mental note for warriors: PLEASE ONLY HAVE ONE MATE! And don't go off having forbidden mates, if they are even considered forbidden since it's so common now... I mean, isn't one mate GOOD ENOUGH? No, you knuckleheads don't know how torn mates can be if their mate goes off having over mates! Good StarClan, when I was a wee kit, one of the worst things a cat could do was to have more then one mate, unless your mate died. Mine died... may StarClan bless your soul, Ragweedpelt. That brown tom could always appreciate me, even my rants. Though my kits, Oceanecho, Seaspots and Pondsplash fool around a tad too much for my liking... Poor Seaspots ran away because she was frustrated with a DawnClan fool named Goldflash or whatever be his name... I've heard she had kits, but what do I know? I never go out of camp, but I should since the rest of the warrior code has been... SMASHED. SHATTERED. TORN. RIPPED. So... yeah. Are those rock brained apprentices back yet? They are always slacking off, and I don't know why, when they have elders like us to whip them into shape! Perhaps I should yowl into their ears every night, telling them what mouse brains they are, and how to respect us, how to follow the warrior code, and stuff that should already be known by every cat... I swear the leaders will start breaking the warrior code! Sheesh! Did they become leaders just by brawn and force? They should have been named 'Bigstar' 'Nosensestar' 'Idunnostar' 'Strongstar' 'Dumbstar' and other names! Seriously, I don't see anything wrong like that, as probably even StarClan cats are breaking the code at certain places, won't any cat agree? I doubt it, since no cat thinks about us elders... not even those addle brained apprentices who have to pick off our fleas and ticks, give us prey and water, and change our moss! Why, when I was a kit, I was so responsible that I even did those jobs! No, don't laugh now, I did! And you know why? Because I KNEW that later in my life I'd become one! As they always say, 'Karma will always come back' I have done good, but however, was rewarded with nothing! Except my awesome ranting skills... I just can't help thinking about when I was a kit... 'Hey Hollykit! Got another urge for a flea feast? I heard that Ripplefoot have a bunch of them!' That's what Lightpaw said when he was a kit, and always bugged me about it, until his big mouth got him in the end. He was bragging about catching an adder that was right in front of him, and turned around to bet with Mistpaw(who became Mistsong, and was killed by foxes, also my brother) and then the adder bit him! I mean, that was the stupidest mistake one could make back when I was young... now, it's hugging a twoleg... not even! I don't know what young cats think about nowadays... seriously." *grooms fur as she finishes*